Yowch. Didn't see that one coming.

David and I broke up.
Bam.
Straight through the heart like a bullet to the brain.
I don't know if that synonym made any sense.
But my mind makes little sense in this moment.
Shit.
Wasn't expecting that.
Sure.
I bitch about it a lot and knew that really I needed to break up with him-- but I could never bring myself to do so.
Because I'm so fucking attached to him.
And now.
He's gone.
And I feel like my heart has been grabbed and twisted into severe knots of confusion and sadness.
And it kills.
It hurts.
So.
Bad.
So bad.
I know people go through this all the time. But no matter how mundane and prosaic a break-up may be it still hurts every time.
Every "My heart is telling me something different from what my mind is telling me"
Every "I love you but I'm not in love with you"
Every "I didn't mean to hurt you"
Every "This isn't working out."
No matter what those words never get easier to hear.
But forever is really never forever.
Because who we are is never forever.
We are constantly changing, growing, becoming who we are meant to be,
doing what we are supposed to do,
trying new things,
being.
Forever is never really forever.
We are changing all the time.
And that affects all the relationships we have-- romantic or not.
It's inevitable.
Maybe we just need to find someone that changes with us, and stays compatible with us as we change together.
Maybe.
But he and I were far from compatible.
And we grew in opposite directions, and changed into two very different people.
We love each other very much, but now it is time to move on.

So why, after I realize all these sorts of things, does it still hurt so bad?

Until next time,
C.R. Daniels